apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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