I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
