Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
