$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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