My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
