hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
