Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
