I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
