woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
