Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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