...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
