Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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