she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
