Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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