nut hugger
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
