It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
