I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
