please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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