i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
