Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
