she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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