Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
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