P.S. I can't hear my feet
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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