my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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