I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
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I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
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Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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