I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Randomize
