Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
