Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
