He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
