remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
