Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
