dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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