and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.