Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.