Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
