I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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