I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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