i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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