My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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