come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
