with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize