Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
