you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
