neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
