Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
