What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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