Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
