I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
