i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
That was an excessively violent trivia night
This is the high leading the old right now
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
