I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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