I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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