I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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