Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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