He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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