508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Someone shit on the floor
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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