I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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