There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
