I wish I could punch you in the face.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
